1.) Specific Issue: Define the problems and stay with one issue at a time.
2.) Here and Now: Stay with the present and don't bring in the past.
3.) Listening: Show the other person that you really hear the other's point of view before responding with your rebuttal by saying, "What I heard you say......"
4.) Feelings: Talk in terms of your feelings about an issue. The facts are not important. Also, don't make the other person responsible for your feelings("you made me feel....") when talking about them.
DEVELOPING A FAIR FIGHTING FORMAT:
1.) Mock, mimic, or make fun of. 1.) State your feelings.
2.) Bring up past problems. 2.) Deal with one thing at a time.
3.) Stand up, raise your voice, or yell. 3.) Sit down, keep discussion level calm, and
4.) Make faces or create negative body language. respectful.
5.) Verbally abuse or make threats. 4.) Take a break, take a walk, leave the room.
6.) Avoid the issue. 5.) Hear what the other person is saying.
7.) Use derogatory phrases, such as: who cares, 6.) Make eye contact.
big deal, it's my way or the highway, forget 7.) Say what you mean, mean what you say.
it, ect. 8.) Use "I" Statements.
8.) Make use of absolutes such as: you always, 9.) Take turns.
you never. 10.) Be open to cooperation, compromise,
9.) Interrupt, cut short. compassion.
10.) Try to have the final say. 11.) Be Flexible, allow for the possibility the
11.) Have to achieve victory. other persons may be right.
12.) Use physical abuse or the threat of physical 12.) Breathe calmly and deeply, Respect each
abuse. others boundaries.